Saturday, November 15, 2008
I watched the movie P.S. I Love you last weekend and now I have been inspired to read the book. I'm looking forward to it My other book choice is the Genesee Diary by Henri Nouwen. A wonderful book for anyone who wants to explore their inner selves and find out the joys of living a simple quiet existence. He really spends a lot of time learning how he reacts to being in solitude and how that relates to his relationship to God and the relationships to people that are a part of his life. I wonder if I would be able to transform myself and explore all my good and bad points like he does. I mean, I could spend 7 months in a monastery, but what would it be like to do that. That is the beauty of this book. You get to try on the monastic life for 200 pages.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Yesterday evening was a wonder of pink touched skies, that turned lava red. And I thought to myself, how wonderful it would be to always have pink skies. Everything looks better under pink light. That is why they sell pink light bulbs. So that we can we can always see things through rose colored glasses. There is, apparently, something amazing about the light in California. I've never noticed it. Maybe it's just because I live here. You can't see differently the things that you see everyday. I went to Venice, Italy just to see the light. I just remember how beautiful everything looked. How I wished that I could have stayed longer. Surely miraculous things would have happened. It's time to visit the beach. To see this wondrous light that is so special to California. Time to fill my camera with visions of crashing waves and warm sand. I wish I had known that the light here was special. I don't know how I missed it. I've included a picture of cloud and moon on a specially lit morning. You have to be outside at the right time to catch it. I remember, as a child, waking every morning and looking for that special light. I only saw it a couple of times. It is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. I hope to share that feeling with you some day.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
I don't know how often I will be able to update this blog, or if anyone will ever read it. It's nice to have a place to talk about the things that are going in my head, without everybody knowing who I am.
Thanks for listening.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
My fish are doing well. Mr. Rochester is terribly in love with Jane Eyre and they keep each other in happy company while I am away at work. I'm glad that there is a corner of love in my apartment.
I am contemplating buying a new camera. I have my eye on Canon Powershot G9 or G10. I am open to any other suggestions of good cameras.
I went to Ojai Day yesterday and purchased the most beautiful amber 'stone'. It made up for the lack of a vendor for Henna Tattoos. I will get my henna tattoo one of these days.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
(copied from the play by Margaret Edson, Copyright 1999)
Susie: She's not what I imagined. I thought somebody who studied poetry would be sort of dreamy, you know?
Jason: Oh, not the way she did it. It felt more like boot camp that English class. This guy John Donne was incredibly intense. Like your whole brain had to be in knots before you could get it.
Susie: He made it hard on purpose?
Jason: Well, it has to do with the subject. The Holy Sonnets we worked on most, they were mostly about Salvation Anxiety. That's a term I made up in one of my papers, but I think it fits pretty well. Salvation Anxiety. You're this brilliant guy, I mean brilliant - this guy makes Shakespeare sound like a Hallmark card. And you know you're a sinner. And there's this promise of salvation, the whole religious thing. But you just can't deal with it.
Susie: How come?
Jason: It just doesn't stand up to scrutiny. But you can't face life without it either. So you write these screwed-up sonnets. Everything is brilliantly convoluted. Really tricky stuff. Bouncing off the walls. Like a game, to make the puzzle so complicated.
Susie: But what happens in the end?
Jason: Eng of what?
Susie: To John Donne. Does he ever get it?
Jason: Get what?
Susie: His Salvation Anxiety. Does he ever understand?
Jason: Oh, no way. The puzzle takes over. You're not even trying to solve it anymore. Fascinating, really. Great training for lab research. Looking at things in increasing levels of complexity.
Susie: Until what?
Jason: What do you mean?
Susie: Where does it end? Don't you get to solve the puzzle
Jason: Nah. When it comes right down to it, research is just trying to quantify the complications of the puzzle.
Anyways, I figure that this is what I must be doing. I know that I am looking for something. What that is I still do not know. Some kernel of truth. The answer that will answer all the questions in the universe. Finding the one truth that is true for us all. However, I seem to have gotten caught up in the search for the answer and I'm not sure whether I want to know the answer anymore. I really doubt that there is one truth for everyone. I think that each person needs to find the one truth that is true for them. Everyone is different and that requires a multitude of truths. Sometimes I get so caught up in this search that I overwhelm myself with information and stop looking for a while. Ah, but I do enjoy the search. I wasn't created to be light and fluffy. Maybe this is all I am supposed to do. Keep try to find the answer. Whatever the question or the answer may be.