Thursday, October 23, 2008
I don't know how often I will be able to update this blog, or if anyone will ever read it. It's nice to have a place to talk about the things that are going in my head, without everybody knowing who I am.
Thanks for listening.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
My fish are doing well. Mr. Rochester is terribly in love with Jane Eyre and they keep each other in happy company while I am away at work. I'm glad that there is a corner of love in my apartment.
I am contemplating buying a new camera. I have my eye on Canon Powershot G9 or G10. I am open to any other suggestions of good cameras.
I went to Ojai Day yesterday and purchased the most beautiful amber 'stone'. It made up for the lack of a vendor for Henna Tattoos. I will get my henna tattoo one of these days.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
(copied from the play by Margaret Edson, Copyright 1999)
Susie: She's not what I imagined. I thought somebody who studied poetry would be sort of dreamy, you know?
Jason: Oh, not the way she did it. It felt more like boot camp that English class. This guy John Donne was incredibly intense. Like your whole brain had to be in knots before you could get it.
Susie: He made it hard on purpose?
Jason: Well, it has to do with the subject. The Holy Sonnets we worked on most, they were mostly about Salvation Anxiety. That's a term I made up in one of my papers, but I think it fits pretty well. Salvation Anxiety. You're this brilliant guy, I mean brilliant - this guy makes Shakespeare sound like a Hallmark card. And you know you're a sinner. And there's this promise of salvation, the whole religious thing. But you just can't deal with it.
Susie: How come?
Jason: It just doesn't stand up to scrutiny. But you can't face life without it either. So you write these screwed-up sonnets. Everything is brilliantly convoluted. Really tricky stuff. Bouncing off the walls. Like a game, to make the puzzle so complicated.
Susie: But what happens in the end?
Jason: Eng of what?
Susie: To John Donne. Does he ever get it?
Jason: Get what?
Susie: His Salvation Anxiety. Does he ever understand?
Jason: Oh, no way. The puzzle takes over. You're not even trying to solve it anymore. Fascinating, really. Great training for lab research. Looking at things in increasing levels of complexity.
Susie: Until what?
Jason: What do you mean?
Susie: Where does it end? Don't you get to solve the puzzle
Jason: Nah. When it comes right down to it, research is just trying to quantify the complications of the puzzle.
Anyways, I figure that this is what I must be doing. I know that I am looking for something. What that is I still do not know. Some kernel of truth. The answer that will answer all the questions in the universe. Finding the one truth that is true for us all. However, I seem to have gotten caught up in the search for the answer and I'm not sure whether I want to know the answer anymore. I really doubt that there is one truth for everyone. I think that each person needs to find the one truth that is true for them. Everyone is different and that requires a multitude of truths. Sometimes I get so caught up in this search that I overwhelm myself with information and stop looking for a while. Ah, but I do enjoy the search. I wasn't created to be light and fluffy. Maybe this is all I am supposed to do. Keep try to find the answer. Whatever the question or the answer may be.