Saturday, November 15, 2008

New Camera

I finally got my new camera today. It is a digital SLR and I think that I've got quite a learning curve ahead of me. Just took a few photos inside the house. I can already tell the difference. Just seeing the quality of the photos is getting me excited to run out and take some great nature photos. I will post a few when I get a chance. It has taken me most of the afternoon and evening to figure out how put on the lens and what all those menus are for. One nice thing is that I will now be able to take black and white photographs. I can also take close up pictures. Something that just never worked on my point and shoot.

I watched the movie P.S. I Love you last weekend and now I have been inspired to read the book. I'm looking forward to it My other book choice is the Genesee Diary by Henri Nouwen. A wonderful book for anyone who wants to explore their inner selves and find out the joys of living a simple quiet existence. He really spends a lot of time learning how he reacts to being in solitude and how that relates to his relationship to God and the relationships to people that are a part of his life. I wonder if I would be able to transform myself and explore all my good and bad points like he does. I mean, I could spend 7 months in a monastery, but what would it be like to do that. That is the beauty of this book. You get to try on the monastic life for 200 pages.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Chuck Close Inspired Me

I went to drawing class tonight. We watched a film about artist Chuck Close. He had such interesting things to about his life and the difficulties he overcame as a child and then later after he was partially paralyzed from a blood clot at the age of 48. One thing he said was that the last 14 years of his life have been the happiest. Those are the years he has paralyzed. His notion is that learning to overcome difficulties and surviving through them make you a more interesting person. I was feeling pretty bad about myself this week. I met someone who doesn't know me really well, but still found things about me that he thought need to be fixed. You know, which is fine, but all I felt was about 2 inches tall. Seeing that film reminded me of all the wonderful things about me that I like. I am not just my problems and faults. I do want to fix things about myself, but that doesn't mean that I am all wrong. Anyways, I recommend the film Chuck Close: A Portrait in Progress. It was not the kind of art that I like at all, but watching him describe his art opened my eyes to the beauty of his work.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Yesterday evening was a wonder of pink touched skies, that turned lava red. And I thought to myself, how wonderful it would be to always have pink skies. Everything looks better under pink light. That is why they sell pink light bulbs. So that we can we can always see things through rose colored glasses. There is, apparently, something amazing about the light in California. I've never noticed it. Maybe it's just because I live here. You can't see differently the things that you see everyday. I went to Venice, Italy just to see the light. I just remember how beautiful everything looked. How I wished that I could have stayed longer. Surely miraculous things would have happened. It's time to visit the beach. To see this wondrous light that is so special to California. Time to fill my camera with visions of crashing waves and warm sand. I wish I had known that the light here was special. I don't know how I missed it. I've included a picture of cloud and moon on a specially lit morning. You have to be outside at the right time to catch it. I remember, as a child, waking every morning and looking for that special light. I only saw it a couple of times. It is the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. I hope to share that feeling with you some day.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Coping methods

I wasn't diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder until I was 30. This meant that I had 30 whole years to develop all sorts of horrible coping methods to get through life. No ever really taught me how to be assertive, how to deal with my emotions constructively. This has gotten me into all sort of bad and embarrassing situations. Even now, I find it difficult to act in the 'appropriate' manner. Of course I am human, so I figure that most people act inappropriately every once and a while. I seem to have made an art of form of it. Some times all I can do is just laugh at myself and try to do better the next time. I don't think that most realize how hard people with Bipolar work to fit in with everybody else. I know that I spend and enormous amount of energy controlling my emotions. This has caused some of my family to describe me as 'being tough as nails'. I suppose that is an accurate description. I try so hard not to do the wrong thing, that I come of as gruff and uncaring. Which, if you really knew me, you would know how much I really do care about people. I just don't always have the energy to show it. So try to give people with Bipolar disorder more grace than you would 'regular' people. We just need a little extra time to express ourselves in positive manner.